So, I got a really crappy review for “The Collective Protocol” today from a blogger that I requested to review my book. Here’s the review:
“Let me start off by saying that the premise behind the book and the overall story was interesting. Canada decides to wipe out the US via their secret weapon AKA Telepathy Paige Watkins and some devastating technology. It’s up to her twin sister Reagan Lockhart and a select few to stop her. I never was able to get fully engaged in the story. Due partially to the fact that it is extremely over-descriptive and the author hasn’t grasped the concept on noun vs pro-noun placement in a paragraph.
I was also given more detail on Paige and her motivations to commit these horrible atrocities on the US than I was on or hero Reagan. What I was given on Reagan was superficial at best she never developed any depth for me and I never connected with her as a character.
I personally need the story to engage me on an emotional level and this story never did. Millions of people died and I couldn’t feel the devastation because Reagan didn’t show any. Nor did any of the secondary characters. Reagan hardly portrayed any emotion at her own personal “devastating” loss. Again decent concept bad execution. As a reader I wouldn’t have made it past the first few paragraphs if I got a free sample, if I even got past the overly-descriptive synopsis for this book. As a reviewer I pushed on. The book doesn’t pick up until about 38% but the problems don’t go away.”
Ok, I absolutely agree that we all have different tastes and I did go back into the story and really tried looking at the pronouns that I used. I don’t get it… I mean, I know how to use a pronoun for Pete’s sake! Oh, and the reviewer’s comments that they didn’t connect with the main character, Reagan, were off base. Just because a character is introduced first and is the “good guy” doesn’t mean that they’re the main character. The main character is Paige, the telepath who causes all the trouble. It’s her mind that we delve into, her past, her motivations for why she does what she does, not Reagan’s…
‘Til next time.